Wineaux

“Wineaux, Wineaux? Wherefore art thou Wineaux? It is I, Sarah. A woman who’s thirst can no longer be sated by Beringer and Yellow Tail. (actor spats on ground dramatically) Bring forth your gifts from that exotic land, Napa Valley!”

At the end of November, I went to a Wine Shop at Home party. The ratio was 3 to 6. Three woman, six bottles of wine. I’m sure you can figure out how that party ended. That’s right. A New Kids on the Block DVD and I joined the Wine of the Month Club.

It’s turning out to be “Wine Whenever the Hell You Get It Club”. The first shipment should have been delivered in mid-December. It sat on the UPS truck for two days while Mother Nature laughed, and she made sure those two days were -32 below. I was told the bottles froze. I hope the driver that passed out after drinking my three bottles froze to the floor of his truck.

The re-shipment is supposed to arrive today. Here I sit, anxiously awaiting the adult female version of Santa Claus. You’ve all been there. You don’t know when it will arrive, so you don’t know how to spend your morning. Do you shower? Go to the bathroom? Does the driver care what your hair looks like? Should you have purchased that new robe on the ‘Macy’s 27 Hour After Christmas Sale’? I think the question that matters most is: “Was that loud banging sound I heard this morning my wine tumbling down the back stairwell?” Who cares if it was the driver falling. As long as my wine crate fell on top of him, safely.

Hell hath no fury like a woman waiting!