Monday, January 12, 2009

...and then I started crying.


Last week was supposed to be my crappy week, and this week was supposed to be my start fresh week. Actually, last week was supposed to be my start fresh week, but it turned into my crappy week, so this week I'm starting over. Got all that?

"The Crimson Tide" showed up last Monday, so I decided to feel fat and sorry for myself and sleep in everyday. I now work at 1PM, so I have the luxury of doing that. I decided today was the day! I was going to get up, be productive, go to the gym, the Post Office, and the UPS station to finally get that damn wine!

OK, so I managed to sleep until 10, but was out of the house by 11. It snowed last night, and it was a balmy -11 below today, so the weather pissed me off right off the bat. The wind had been blowing hard and there were drifts and piles of snow everywhere to drive in and walk through. I hate that! I made it to the UPS station, expecting my damn wine to be frozen, and throwing a tantrum. What I didn't expect was the change in hours. That's right- they now open at 1PM. I had a sudden Tourettes outburst and literally said out loud, "Fuck, shit, damn!" (Yeah, I don't know either.) I trudged back to my car, started driving away....and then I started crying. I was listening to my "Elevation" CD by U2. Bono was singing to me that I was stuck in a moment, and this time will pass. I told him to fuck off.

I stopped by Jitters because I had a free drink (had to make my own illegal parking space), and figured if the espresso didn't cheer me up, I'd just have to stick my head in the snow. I then stopped at the Post Office (had to make yet another illegal parking space), stood in line for 5-10 minutes and tried hard not to scream. Of course the dude in front of me had to tell the crazy lady, who knew everyone in that tiny post office, that his wife was in the hospital and had been battling cancer, and something about her stem cell. I felt guilty, and wondered silently what Michael J. Fox was up to, and how the whole stem cell research battle was coming along, and why politicians have to be assholes, and if I would last another 30 seconds without having another Tourettes outburst. I then finally mailed my divorce papers.

I was able to go back to the UPS station and get the damn wine. I brought it into work, for fear of it freezing in my car. After my shift, I got into my cold car and thought, "I'm gonna have some wine when I get home!" That's when I realized I had left the damn wine back at my desk. I have a "no wine left behind" policy, so of course I had to go back upstairs for it.

Ah...the moment we've all been waiting for! I opened the box, and was happy to see three bottles there. When I signed up for the wine of the month club, I got a third bottle of my choice for free. This wouldn't be my life or a blog if something wasn't sadly, horribly, funnily wrong, right? I got the wine varietal that I had requested, all right. Three damn bottles of it!!! What is the point of joining a wine of the month club if you don't get a variety??!! I have nothing more to say.

6 comments:

A Fuss said...

If it helps any, I had an honest to God hissy fit yesterday in which I actually flapped my arms and stamped my foot while yelling at Rob for scooping the ice cream wrong. I am incredibly irrational now apparently.

Jillibean said...

Oh god you two...you both make my morning. I am laughing so hard i ALMOST pee my pants (something else you have to look forward to AFTER the birth, Alex)while reading about sarah's traveling escapades and then i read about Alex's "honest to god hissy fit," picturing her flapping her arms and stomping her foot, over how the ice cream is scooped...Seriously, thank you for bringing some humor into my otherwise bleak morning...

Sarah K said...

no problem, jillibean. alex and i are here to provide as much ridiculous entertainment as possible. or maybe i should speak for myself. i can pee my pants from sneezing, and i haven't had a kid.

give rob a break, alex. he's a trained barrista/comedian! "professional ice cream scooper to his pregnant wife" is not one of his 32 flavors i guess. but now he knows how you like it, so if he does it wrong again, you have permission to throw yourself on the ground and start bawling!

MJS said...

Aw, poor Snavely. MHS remarks it's the WINE of the month club, not the WINES of the month club. I'll hit him later for you.

Did you really misspell Randumb? No wonder I can never find this blog.

Sarah K said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

Took me a while to understand was going on. Maybe I shouldn't have figured it out...

Have a nice day :)

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