"and then the lobsta sez.....

...Bless ya, kid!" (cue laugh track) NO!! A four year old sneezing on the lobster tank at Red Lobster is NOT funny!! But that is where our story begins, sadly.

Have you ever noticed how subdued the lobby of Red Lobster is? Is it the soothing sound of the running water in the lobster tank, or is it the impending doom of those sad, sad lobsters that makes everyone respectfully quiet? In the Olive Garden it's loud, and happy, and "Mangia!!" and people are excited to eat their fake Italian. Not so much at the land of fake seafood. Can you tell I'm a snob? I've tasted fresh Italian, fresh seafood, good steak. Red Lobster and Olive Garden? Psht. Bitch, please. (Sorry to my friend who LOVES Red Lobster. You can leave a nasty comment.)

We were seated and informed that our server with a first name that sounded more like a last name would be our "Seafood Expert." I stifled a scoff. An expert within the scope of the 4 types of seafood they offered at Red Lobster, I reminded myself. He served us with much flair and panache. Finally, somone who can pretend to love his job!! So refreshing.

The conversation in the booth behind us was lively, also. Heard all about someone's credit card fraud and police reporting issues, a near miss accident and situations like it (and the proper way to act when your life flashes before your eyes, apparently), and a stand off between a sherrif and an angry gun weilding shop owner. The owner had a permit to carry, and that's why he had the gun. Not sure if that was a justification??? Then they moved on to Vegas. I was hoping to hear mob stories, but no. Not sure what business or circles these people were in, but MUCH more exciting than my family.

Yes. I'm a mooch. I endure fake food and bad decor and mixed company for a free meal. If the parental units are going to pay, I won't push it. I did give them the $25 gift card to Red Lobster, so I kinda set myself up. Set myself up for nightmares about sad lobsters covered in mucus.

THIS IS IN THE BATHROOM STALL. WTF IS THAT LITLE INDENTATION ON THE RIGHT OF THE TRAY? FOR YOUR CIGARETTES? CAR KEYS? TAMPON? LOBSTER THAT YOU SNUCK OUT OF THE TANK BECAUSE YOU FELT BAD? (I HAD TO CONCENTRATE VERY HARD WHILE TAKING THIS PHOTO WITH MY CELL PHONE. I COULD SEE MYSELF DROPPING IT INTO THE TOILET WHILE TRYING TO HAVE SOMETHING ODD FOR MY BLOG)