Saturday, March 20, 2010

It's a Cosmo World After All

I've been in the dregs of Cosmetology School for six months now. Estheticianoloy or something, to be specific. I spend my nights and every other Saturday trying not to let "Cosmo" students see me roll my eyes, or mouth "OH MY GAWD". (I don't try all that hard. Let's be honest.)

There are three specific situations of eye rolling and "oh my gawding" that I'd like to share with you. Two happened today. Blogger Gold.

We had a group of sisters getting facials simultaneously, and the curtain partitions were open between the treatment areas. The Cosmo to my right was giving a hand massage to her guest.
GUEST: (to her sister, my guest) Oooh, I bet your husband would give you a hand massage. Well, he'd probably think it would lead to something else. (giggles)
COSMO: Well, that's not a bad trade off, really.
ME: Eye roll, inwardly screaming, "OHMYGAWD!"
First off, INAPPROPRIATE. Second, UNBALANCED TRADE OFF. She then one-upped herself. God bless her.
COSMO: I'm having a hard time with turning 25. It's like...a quarter of my life is over.
ME: Eye roll, inwardly screaming, "OHMYGAWD!" I leaned down and whispered to my guest, "Sometimes it's really hard working with 19 and 20 year olds."
GUEST: I'll bet!

We then applied make up to all four sisters. Can you guess which ONE sister out of four didn't look like Mary Kay on steroids when they were all finished? HMMMM???? 25% ain't bad, I guess.

Now let's discuss "Creepy-skeezy-body wrap-guy". My male guest was in for the Mud Therapy Body Wrap. He said, "a girl I kinda know, I guess", suggested he do the treatment for his dry skin. I recommended something else, but he wanted to stay on the good side of his "friend"...I guess. I told him to remove his shirt and pants, and leave his shorts on. While (on my knees) applying the mud, he asked me three times if he should remove his (white) boxer shorts. Each time I screamed (in my head) "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, NO!" He just really really did not want them to get dirty. I couldn't give a shit at that point.
GUEST: Will this be relaxing?
ME: (duh) Yeah, I'll dim the lights, and you can take nap. Hopefully no one will come back here. Those 19-20 year old girls can get giggly.
GUEST: (Beavis and Butthead laugh) Really?
ME: (uuuugh) OK, give me a holler if you need anything.
GUEST: Like a drink or something?
ME: Yeah, I'll bring you a straw, or sippy cup. (OR GAG)

I had to end the treatment with applying lotion. COLD lotion. I guess I forgot to warm it up. At the end of our I-so-feel-like-taking-a-shower-now time together, he asked how much a bikini wax was. I have nothing against "Manscaping". I think he'd refuse the cold towels, however. While he was at the counter paying, and not tipping me, a Cosmo walked up and said her boyfriend was canceling his appointment and wouldn't be in that night. He pointed at her and said, "I want her to cut my hair." She's on my list of "Non-Favorites" so I wasn't all that sad for her.

There are three more months of excitement left. Pray for me.


Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

ONLY THREE!!!??? Savour them.

Savour them good...

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

I don't like touching people I don't know. This probably wouldn't be a good career choice for me.

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