Monday, August 10, 2009
Walking on Broken Glass
"Sometimes, certain of God's blessings arrive by shattering all the windows" (Brida, Paulo Coehlo)
First off, let's give props to Alex for recommending that I read "Brida". It was really good, and I thank her.
OK, back to me.....I hate listening to my voicemails. "Blah blah blah..call me...." I got an unknown call on Friday at work, and couldn't answer my cellphone. I finally listened to the message on Sunday. It was my cosmetology school telling me I was the only person signed up for night Esthetician classes that were starting on September 8. So my options are to go days, full time, or wait until March when the next classes will start. I sobbed and sobbed. All day. I had just bought school supplies. This is something I have been looking forward to, something to make my meaningless job less annoying, something to accomplish, something new that would give me a happier future. Pulled out from under me. I have been in a funk for 3 weeks, and this was the icing on the 3rd week.
"It's probably a good thing," I told myself an hour later, while in the drive thru, waiting for my Chinese comfort food. I would have had simultaneous car payments and school payments for a few months, and I haven't been so great at saving money. Do I want to hear other people say that? No. No one likes sage advice when they feel like crap. But thanks anyway, Mom. No, we want empathy, and have our feelings acknowledged. We want you to listen, say you feel bad for us, and leave it at that. (Or if you are Nicole, get really angry, and plot revenge. I thank you for that.) Not ignore what we say, or go on about how great your day is going. Selfish of me? Maybe. But when someone is hurting, they should be allowed such feelings for a time. Some people aren't equipped to deal with other people's emotions, though. Selfish of them? Maybe.
I don't really know what to do at this point. I guess I have to wait until March, and hope for the best. Right now it really stings.