Training Wheels

I've found this term applies to a lot of situations going on in my life right now. "Why did you bring your camera?" ME: "It's Marcy, why not?"

My Blog Muse is holding what I dubbed "training wheels for chop sticks". Very cool plastic piece that holds your chop sticks so you can actually pick up your food and look like a pro, even if you are not.

I've been using the treadmill for a few weeks now, and today I was actually able to jog for 8 minutes without feeling like I was going to need a lung transplant. I didn't want to push myself, so after I realized it was 8 minutes, I slowed my pace. I'm an idiot, I know. This slow climb to increase my stamina and watching my calories and carbs as actually paid off. My 3 pairs of jeans are loose around my phat ass. Go me!

One of my self help books is by Deepak Chopra. DChop says in his book that if you seek, you shall not find. So I asked, internally, "Why the fuck have you written like...12 books, done countless interviews, programs, as seen on Oprah, etc etc, then?? Why am I reading this??" It's like the witch told Dorothy "The magic was always inside you." You can't go on a quest to find yourself. You just have to be open to seeing your faults and open to changing them. And if you stumble upon happiness, you have to enjoy it for what it is. No matter how small. I've been trying to remember this for the past 10 years. I realized that it's an ongoing process because we change every day, every year. You don't "find" yourself. You learn to live your true self. "To thine own self be true".

And that brings us to my other book. I tell Gatsby it's my "devotional". (yes, I talk to my cats) Everyday I read the short entry, and try to remember it and live it. This week's lesson was remembering your true values, and living with integrity. I have a few friends that are struggling internally with themselves and people that are dissapointing them. This quote hits home: "When we can't control anything or anyone around us, we can gain a sense of control by living with integrity. Figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself. Don't judge others too harshly for not living up to your values, and give yourself a break for being imperfect." (It ends with "let God handle the rest". You can take that or leave that part.) So if your boss, coworkers, friends, family, kids, etc are making your life hell...remember to take care of yourself, and live for yourself, too.

Please say a quick prayer for our Uncle Larry. He's undergoing major surgery on Tuesday to remove his pancreas, spleen, gallbladder, part of his liver, and possibly part of or all of his stomach. Cancer sucks.