Monday, May 25, 2009

JESUS, I need some coffee

I got a new neighbor. I hate getting new neighbors. It's all "why is her shit in my garage? this isn't self serve storage, honey" and then I get notes on my car "don't park here anymore, it's now taken". And then I have to train the newbies not to leave their crap in the one washer and one dryer shared by 8 units. Put it in, set a timer, and take it out. Or else some creepy dude is going to pin your thong to the clothes line. Thank God my granny panties are safe from that fate.

So the new girl was moving in last night when I got home around midnight. Today I passed her unit and saw something I was not expecting. (I'm not going to take a picture of what I saw. These two images I lifted from the net are funnier.) I saw a small end table with a coffee maker on it. OK...maybe it's just there for the time being, these are small units....Then I saw the flier advertising some mission ministry music fest. In Chicago. OK....At first, I just saw the "mission" statement, and fled to DQ. (The diet is going fine. I deserved it) The whole drive I'm thinking "What the fuck? Is she running a mission out of her apartment? I realize we are walking distance from downtown, and there are a lot of sketchy characters, but I prefer it when they are NOT in my building. Are they going to sing? Worship? DETOX? It's bad enough running into a neighbor while in my robe, or ratty lounge wear while running down 3 flights of stairs to the laundry room only to be pissed off. Now I have to prepare to run into the homeless??

"Or maybe
.....she'll have coffee for us neighbors in the AM...there are no coffee condiments or cups, or those little stirrer stix thingies...well, maybe she's green and is only making the organic coffee in her reusable filter and expects us to provide the rest." Damn. I just gave up coffee this week, too. Too hard on my system. Maybe this is Jesus' way of testing me.

**i was left a dollar in quarters once and a nice note apologizing for the wait for the washer. but what i really appreciated was the half a can of old milwaukee he left me on the dryer. it was still cold. that was sweet.


Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

DETOX!? Oh no... My grandma used to give homes to the homeless and drug addicted. She was very good with the druggies, disenchanted, disabled and deranged :) She likes things to do with the letter D. Helped them get back on their feet (and teach them that those were indeed their feet and no, that was the ground that they were standing on.) Perhaps your neighbour is my next grandma? that last sentence didn't make sense. Nevermind. Well I sure hope you get along with your neighbour soon... that or your constant taunts and pelting with eggs will force her to leave and you'll get newer, less caring and noticeable neighbours :P

Eggs solve many things!

A Fuss said...

Welcome back to the blogosphere! I've missed that dry wit and references to coffee -- which I have not had in 9 months and am fricking dying for. Plus now I want DQ. And I just want to say that Rob used to steal dryer sheets from the neighbors and leave a quarter under the box -- so when they found their dryer sheet box empty and lifted it up in frustration, there would be some change there so they could buy more for us.

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

You'll be sorry you mocked her efforts when she turns that end table/Mr. Coffee set up into the Starbucks for God conglomerate and takes over the world.

Ivy and Haley said...

This post made me giggle. Oh, the uber religious.

You could freak her out by pretending to be a devil worshipper...or REALLY freak her out by pretending to be a Jew.

I don't have anything against Judaism, but people with missions often do.

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