Sunday, December 27, 2009

Crackhead in the Kitchen

For easy, comfort food recipes, please visit Angel in the Kitchen. For randumb recipes made in a messy kitchen the size of a matchbox, please read on.

Due to high levels of caffeine this snowy morning, I decided to cook "real" food. As with all momentous occasions in my life, I decided to blog about it. Here is my recipe for "Grown up Grilled Cheese":

You will need:

Leftover Bruschetta from another wild hair moment
Frenchish type bread or something
Sharp chedder cheese leftover from a cheese/summer sausage/cracker platter
Pepper Jack cheese leftover from above mentioned platter
Bacon would be really really good to, but I didn't have any
Crappy blizzard like weather

The mall opened at 11AM, and in this town that means the weather wasn't totally life threatening. Marcy and I tied rope around our waists and tethered ourselves to my Escape in case we couldn't find the door.

Butter up your bread, layer cheese to your liking, top it with the Bruschetta, and fry to a golden brown.

Fake spray butter and leftover wine optional*

The Bruschetta was something I had been craving for a couple of days, so I whipped that up last night. I used ripe Roma tomatoes, but I think Grape tomatoes might have tasted better. Whichever you choose, don't use tomatoes that are too soft. The texture of a firm tomato is much better.

Some chopped tomatoes
Some light olive oil
Some balsamic vinegar
Some garlic
Some basil

Let it sit a while to let the flavors mingle. I fried the French bread in some olive oil. I got the craving for Bruschetta after watching the movie "Julia and Julie". As with all trips to the grocery store, don't watch that movie on an empty stomach. I refuse to read the book. The weight gain would depend on how long it would take me to read it.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Because waxing your own armpits isn't all that funny

OK, OK, it's a little funny. After you clean up the wax and your skin grows back in two weeks.

Yes, I've been neglecting you all. I've been absorbed in my own little academia world of hair removal and zit zapping, and making important life decisions, such as "is it Cabernet that I like best, or a Merlot? Why do I not write myself a note before I drink the entire bottle and forget if I actually liked it or not?"

I'm a hair removal fanatic. It's such a sense of satisfaction. Unless you have some bimbo with small, yet fleshy pits telling you how she wants it done. She wanted it done the wrong way. That was an hour of my life I'll never get back. I bought myself my own waxing kit. I don't know why. We have plenty of downtime at school, and we can wax ourselves whenever we want.

I eagerly set up my wax pot, and attempted to pull off the lid. They fill the pots to the top, and the wax stuck to the lid, and pulled like taffy. So I did the dumbest thing, and used my fingers to separate the wax from the lid. It was all over my hands! My kit came with 7 bottles of pre and post waxing lotions, tinted concealer, surface cleaner, yet NO wax remover. I know this, because I checked each bottle 3 times. Covering them all with more and more wax. I panicked and tried the surface cleaner and nail polish remover, swearing up a storm the entire time. My classmate lives 8 blocks from me, and I thought of calling her because I knew she would have wax remover. Then I imagined covering my phone in wax. I knew the cats would be of no help. There was a young man who lost his arms in a farming accident and dialed 911 with a pencil in his mouth. That was plan C. Then I remembered that our wax remover at school is oil. Pam Olive Oil cooking spray worked like magic!!!

Once my hands were clean, I was ready to wax away. I was told you could re-wax over the same spot twice with the brand of wax I bought. You can...if you want to rip more skin off your armpits than that top layer that you "exfoliated" the first time you waxed it. It only takes 2 weeks to heal.

I was bored today, so I thought I'd wax my legs and underarms. I needed something to prop my foot onto, so I used a short cat perch.

I keep the wax pot on the back of the toilet. Probably a mistake.

I switched from one type of wax to another, so I put the one I was no longer going to use in the bathtub to cool off.
I think the only mistake I made was not keeping the bathroom door closed.

I'm not going to even go into how I've tried to wax my own "downstairs" more than once. It involves a lot of sweating, swearing, and deep breaths. And yet I'm dumb enough to try it again. Right now. Gotta go....

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